Before You Say Yes to an Online Sperm Donor: What You Need to Know to Protect Yourself and Your Future Child

Let’s talk about something important and increasingly common.

If you’re exploring solo motherhood and are considering finding a sperm donor via a Facebook group, app or website, this post is for you.

Maybe you like the idea of knowing your donor beforehand. Maybe you’re hoping for a more “natural” experience. Maybe you’re getting frustrated with the limited donor options available through your clinic. And maybe, if you’re honest, one of the biggest drivers is cost, because using a fertility clinic is expensive, and with no known fertility challenges, you feel that money could be better spent elsewhere.

You’re not alone.

There are so many women quietly navigating this path, trying to figure out the “right” way to create the family they dream of, without having to wait for the perfect partner or a perfect bank balance.

This blog is here to support you. Not to scare you. Not to shame you. But to empower you with the information you really need before moving forward.

Because there are risks with using online or recruited donors, and you deserve to know about them before making such an important decision.

So, what is a “recruited donor”?

A recruited donor or a recruited known donor is someone you didn’t know before beginning your journey. It’s often someone found through a Facebook group, donor app, or website specifically designed to connect men willing to be donors with women looking for a sperm donor.

They’re not part of a clinic donor program, which means they haven’t been through counselling, genetic testing, health screening, or signed a contract with the clinic saying they agree to only donate to that clinic and that the clinic will adhere to regulated family limits (or lower family limits at the donor’s request).

Some of these men genuinely want to help women become mothers. They have conducted their research and are prepared to play a responsible role in any resulting children’s lives, if desired, as well as ensuring accurate record-keeping and testing for the best outcome for all families involved.

But some? They’re not there for the right reasons or with honourable intentions. Some want to father as many children as possible, some want to manipulate women into natural insemination, and, unfortunately, some of these men may have donated to a clinic as well and are now exceeding their regulated family limit.

And unfortunately, it’s almost impossible to tell the difference unless you’re really clear on your boundaries, prepared with the right questions, and prepared to have your own legal and emotional protections in place.

What makes this path appealing?

You might be thinking:

• “I don’t have any known fertility issues, so I’d prefer to try at home first.”

• “I want to know the donor, not just choose from a piece of paper.”

• “I want my child to have a connection to their donor from an early age if they want it.”

• “It’s just too expensive to go through a clinic.”

And you’re right, there are plenty of valid reasons why this path appeals, and numerous success stories.

But if you are going to use an online or recruited donor, there are a few non-negotiables you really need to consider, because you’re not just choosing a method of conception. You’re choosing the person who will be genetically connected to your child.

This isn’t just about you. It’s about your future child, their identity, and how they grow up understanding where they came from.

Here’s what you need to protect yourself and your child:

• Never agree to natural insemination (sex).
  Not only does this create huge legal risks (potentially giving the donor parental rights), but it also blurs emotional and physical boundaries. Conception should be safe, clear, and respectful. Natural insemination means this man is no longer a donor, regardless of whether you both agreed and consented to this method of conception.

• Make sure the donor is willing to:

  • Undergo STI and genetic testing

  • Go through professional donor counselling

  • Sign a legal donor agreement (drafted by a lawyer who specialises in donor agreements, not just a template)

  • Discuss and be clear on family limits and stick to them

  • Be open about other families they’ve donated to, and help connect them so you can be sure you can help your child avoid a future relationship with a half-sibling

• Trust your instincts.
  If someone is evasive, makes you feel pressured, avoids questions, or suggests skipping steps - it’s a red flag. Walk away.

• Never meet in private at first.
  Always meet in a public space, tell someone where you’re going, and never allow them into your home until you’re absolutely comfortable and have established a trusting relationship. Your personal safety is paramount, and unfortunately, some men take advantage of these sites and misrepresent themselves - you need to be very, very cautious.

Why does this matter so much?

Because you are the one who has to live with the consequences.

You are the one who has to answer your child’s questions one day.

And what you want is to be able to look your child in the eye and say: “I chose someone who felt safe, who agreed to boundaries, who wanted to help me bring you into the world, and I did everything I could to protect your future.”

You don’t want to feel shame about how your child was conceived.
You don’t want to find out one day that your child has 100+ siblings.
And you definitely don’t want to realise that your donor misled you, or was never willing to do things properly in the first place, and there was something you could have done to protect yourself in this situation.

Yes, it might cost more time, energy and money to do this carefully.

But your future child deserves that.

You deserve that.

It’s still cheaper than a clinic.

This isn’t about being paranoid. It’s about being prepared. And making sure your beautiful family story starts from a place of intention, safety, and truth.

If you’re considering this path, take the time to learn more.

The Considering Solo Motherhood Course (available live or on-demand) goes into everything, from understanding all your donor options, the pros, cons and watch outs of each of them, what questions to ask, how to keep yourself safe, and how to protect your child’s future.

It’s created by someone who’s walked this path and spoken to hundreds of solo mums, donors, and donor-conceived individuals.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

👉 Learn more about the Considering Solo Motherhood Course

Final thought

There’s no “right” way to become a mum.

But there is a safe way.
And that starts with you giving yourself the time, space, and support to do it with confidence.

You’re not just making a baby, you’re creating a family.
So let’s start that journey with care, clarity, and courage.