10 questions to help you decide if solo motherhood could be an option for you
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’ve thought about having a baby on your own — even if it started as a quiet “what if?” in the back of your mind.
Maybe you imagined motherhood happening alongside a long-term partner, but life hasn’t unfolded that way. Maybe you’ve spent years dating, hoping to meet someone who wants the same future. Or perhaps you’ve always known you wanted to be a mum — and partnership just wasn’t part of that vision.
Wherever you stand, this is your reminder that there’s no “right” way to create a family. For decades, we were told that motherhood begins after meeting Prince Charming — but that fairytale was never designed for the reality of modern women’s lives. Choosing solo motherhood isn’t giving up on love; it’s rewriting the story on your own terms.
Before you start diving into fertility clinics or donor research, take a moment to pause and reflect. These ten questions will help you challenge assumptions, confront fears, and uncover what’s really holding you back — so you can make an informed and empowered decision about whether solo motherhood could be right for you.
💌 Free Resource: If you’d like to explore this decision more deeply, download my free guide: “10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Solo Mum by Choice.”
👉 Download 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Solo Mum by Choice
1. Why do I want to be a mum — and what’s driving that desire right now?
This is the foundation question. It’s not about defending your choice to anyone else — it’s about understanding yourself. Is your motivation coming from longing, purpose, biology, legacy, or something else? When you know what’s driving your decision, you can move forward with clarity instead of fear.
2. If you’ve set yourself a deadline — your next birthday, or the end of this year — what would really need to change between now and then?
If you’ve said, “I’ll give it one more year,” be specific. What would need to happen in that time for your situation to be different? Would you need to meet someone, fall in love, build trust, and start trying for a baby — all within twelve months? If that feels unrealistic, it’s worth asking: what am I really waiting for?
You don’t have to rush — but you do need to be honest about whether waiting is a conscious choice or a quiet delay.
3. How will I feel if I never have children?
It’s confronting but powerful. Imagine yourself ten years from now. Would you feel peace, or would you wonder what might have been if you’d taken action sooner? For many women, this question brings the clarity they’ve been avoiding: that waiting has become a bigger risk than trying.
4. Have I looked honestly at my financial situation — and what choices could I make to support the life I want?
Money worries can be one of the biggest reasons women hesitate, but fear often grows in the absence of facts. Before you decide something “isn’t affordable,” take a real look at your budget. What’s your current financial picture? What will it cost for you to become a mum? What does it really cost to have a child? What could change if you saved differently, simplified your lifestyle, or prioritised what truly matters most to you?
This isn’t about sacrifice — it’s about strategy. Getting clear on the numbers gives you confidence, not limitation.
5. Do I know my own fertility situation — or am I just assuming I have time?
Many women are surprised when they finally check their fertility and discover things aren’t quite what they expected. Understanding your fertility through simple tests (like AMH, FSH, or an ultrasound) doesn’t mean you have to act immediately — but it does mean you’re making informed decisions, not emotional ones. Information is power. The more you know, the more options you have.
6. What’s really holding me back — fear, judgment, uncertainty, or lack of information?
For most women, it’s not one single fear — it’s a combination. Fear of judgment. Fear of loneliness. Fear of doing it “wrong.” The good news? Every one of those fears can be unpacked and addressed. That’s exactly why I created the Considering Solo Motherhood course — to help women explore these fears, understand the facts, and make confident, informed choices.
👉 Learn more about the Considering Solo Motherhood Course
7. Am I confusing being solo with being unsupported as a mum?
Solo doesn’t mean isolated. You may not have a partner, but you can absolutely have a strong support system — you just get to design it intentionally. Think about who’s already in your circle: friends, family, or others who’d love to help.
If you’re in Australia or New Zealand, you can connect with other women who truly understand this journey in the Solo Mum Society Facebook group — a space for real conversations, encouragement, and community.
👉 Join the Solo Mum Society Private Facebook group
8. Am I romanticising partnership at the expense of motherhood?
It’s easy to hold onto the dream of having it “all together” — the partner, the home, the baby. But what if waiting for the relationship is stopping you from living the life you want? Solo motherhood doesn’t close the door to love; it just means motherhood doesn’t have to wait for it.
Partnership and parenthood can happen in any order — and for many women, taking control of their fertility actually creates more space for love to arrive naturally later on.
9. How would my life change if I chose action instead of waiting?
Waiting often feels safe, but it can keep you stuck. What if taking one small step — booking a fertility test, joining a course, or talking to a community of solo mums — gave you the clarity you’ve been craving? Action brings confidence. Confidence builds momentum.
10. What kind of example do I want to set for my future child — or for myself?
One day, your child might ask how your story began. What do you want that story to say about courage, choice, and trust in yourself? Even if you decide not to pursue solo motherhood, exploring these questions is a powerful act of self-leadership — one that reclaims your power from circumstance and gives it back to you.
Next Steps
You don’t need to have all the answers right now — but you do deserve to have all the information.
If you’re ready to stop wondering and start exploring, my Considering Solo Motherhood Course gives you everything you need to make an informed, confident decision.
It covers fertility, donor options, emotional readiness, legal considerations, and building your support network — so you can decide with clarity, not fear.
✨ Available worldwide — on demand or as a live group course.
👉 Join the Considering Solo Motherhood Course
💌 Download your free guide: “10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Solo Mum by Choice.”
👉 Download 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Solo Mum by Choice
And if you’re in Australia or New Zealand, join the Solo Mum Society Facebook group to meet other women walking this path and start building your village today.
👉 Join Solo Mum Society Private Facebook Group
You’ve done hard things before. You can do this too. 💫
Common Questions About Considering Solo Motherhood
Is it still possible to become a solo mum over 40?
Becoming a mum after 40 is possible — but it can be incredibly hard. I don’t say that to scare you; I say it because you deserve honesty. By our early 30s, egg quality and quantity start to decline, and after 35, that decline accelerates. Once you hit 40, time really does matter.
That doesn’t mean it’s too late — it means it’s time to act. If motherhood is something you know you want, book a fertility assessment now. Knowledge is power, and if you discover you won’t be able to use your own eggs, there are still options available — including donor eggs or donor embryos— that can help you create the family you’ve dreamed of.
What I see most often is women wishing they’d started exploring earlier, not women regretting they took action.
Do I have to use IVF to become a solo mum?
Not necessarily. There are several paths to conception depending on your situation, age, and preferences. Some women start with IUI (intrauterine insemination), which is less invasive and often more affordable. Others try at-home insemination (AI) using a known or recruited donor, while some use IVF for higher success rates or if fertility challenges exist.
Each method comes with its own considerations — legal, emotional, and medical — which we unpack step-by-step in the Considering Solo Motherhood course, so you can make informed choices with confidence.
Can I still find love after becoming a solo mum?
Absolutely — and often it’s better love.
Many solo mums tell me that once they became mothers, they stopped settling. The pressure to “find someone before it’s too late” disappears, and what replaces it is self-respect, boundaries, and clarity about what they want.
Without the rose-tinted glasses of urgency, solo mums tend to attract partners who genuinely enhance their lives — people who appreciate their strength, independence, and the beautiful life they’ve already created with their child.
