Surviving the festive season when life isn’t where you hoped it would be
The festive season can be especially hard if life isn’t where you hoped it would be.
The table is set, the fairy lights are twinkling, and everyone around you seems to be leaning into the magic of the season. But for you, there’s a quiet heaviness that sits in your chest.
Maybe you thought you’d be in a relationship by now.
Maybe you imagined you’d be pregnant this Christmas.
Maybe you’ve been trying to conceive, and it hasn’t worked yet.
Or maybe you’re simply exhausted from holding hope in one hand and disappointment in the other.
If this is you, I want you to know something straight away: you are not broken, you are not behind, and you are not alone.
December can be incredibly tender when your journey to motherhood isn’t where you expected it to be. And while you may still show up with a brave face, certain moments can sting, even when you wish they didn’t. Before you walk into the festive season, here’s some gentle, practical support to help you protect your heart, your energy, and your peace.
Why the festive season can feel so hard:
Unfiltered comparison is everywhere
Social media is full of pregnancy announcements, matching pyjama photos and family celebrations — often the exact things you hoped you’d have by now. Even when you’re genuinely happy for others, it can highlight what you’re still waiting for.
Well-meaning people ask painful questions
There’s always someone who asks,
“So, are you seeing anyone?”
“When will you settle down?”
“Any baby news?”
They don’t realise how deeply those words can land — especially if you’re trying to conceive and nothing is going to plan.
Your body remembers what you hoped for
You might have told yourself, “Next Christmas will be different.”
And now you’re here… and it isn’t.
That can be painful — even if you’re strong, even if you’re doing everything you can, and even if you know motherhood is still possible.
Practical ways to protect your peace this December:
These aren’t just ideas — they’re strategies that genuinely help.
1. Reduce emotional triggers (especially social media)
Social media, tv shows, social events, books can all trigger emotional responses, so choose what you expose your heart and mind to:
If scrolling hurts, stop scrolling.
Mute people.
Unfollow accounts.
Delete the apps until you’re feeling in a better headspace.
This isn’t petty — it’s self-protection.
2. Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe
Choose gentle company.
People who don’t minimise your feelings.
People who don’t ask invasive questions
People who don’t pressure you with advice.
People who you can be real and vulnerable with.
Your peace is more important than anyone’s expectations.
3. Give yourself permission to say no — without guilt
You don’t have to attend every event. You don’t have to sit through conversations that feel painful.
Here are simple, loving ways to say no:
“Thank you so much for the invite, but I won’t be able to make it.”
“I’m keeping things really low-key this year.”
“I’m focusing on rest right now.”
If you struggle to say no to things, say yes, then cancel on the day without guilt - “I’m so sorry I’m not feeling 100% so I won’t be able to make it”.
That’s all you need. No explanations required.
4. Plan your escape route — it’s not dramatic, it’s smart
If you say yes to an event, but there’s a risk you won’t have a good time or will feel triggered, here are some ideas to ensure you have an escape route”
Drive yourself.
Avoid drinking if it limits your ability to leave (and it can also heighten your emotional responses).
Have a friend you can message if you need emotional backup.
Have an excuse to leave, like an imaginary other event, you can mention to the host when you arrive.
Even when you think you’ll be okay, unexpected emotions can hit. Having an exit plan is an act of kindness to yourself.
5. Prepare your responses to awkward questions
Having pre-prepared responses can help you stay calm and confident in the face of weird or awkward questions:.
You can respond with humour: “Still waiting for Prince Charming — I think his GPS is broken.”
Or keep it short: “I’d rather not talk about that today.”
Or be honest (only if it feels safe): “I’m going through treatment at the moment, and it’s been challenging. I’d love to change the subject.”
Remember: You control what you share — not other people’s curiosity!
6. lean into your own joy — intentionally
Find moments that lift you up and plan them into your month:
A solo breakfast at your favourite café
A Christmas movie marathon
A spa day
Buying yourself a gift
A long walk with music you love
A weekend away
A slow, gentle day at home
These aren’t distractions — they’re nourishment.
7. connect with people who genuinely understand
A friend, a fellow solo mum, or the Solo Mum Society community (especially Bump members) — being around people who get it is grounding and comforting.
You don’t have to explain.
You don’t have to hide your feelings.
You don’t have to pretend.
Find your safe place to be vulnerable and share what’s going for you so you don’t have to keep it all bottled up.
Connection with kindred spirits can soften an entire season.
Final thoughts
If this festive season feels tender, please remember:
You’re allowed to protect your heart.
You’re allowed to set boundaries.
You’re allowed to choose rest.
You’re allowed to say no.
You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel — without judgment.
You’re doing the best you can. And one day, this chapter will make sense in ways you can’t yet see.
Until then, take care of yourself — gently, intentionally and with compassion.
If this festive season is making you consider another path to motherhood, one that involves having a baby without a partner, then the Considering Solo Motherhood course will give you everything you need to know so you can make an informed and empowered decision on whether this could be an option for you. Available in group course format where you can connect with other women processing the same questions and challenges, or an online on-demand version so you can binge the content at a time that works for you.