S5:E17 - Renee & Aria
Seven Years In
Most of the stories on this podcast start at the beginning. This one starts seven years down the track — and it's one of the most valuable perspectives we have.
Renee made her first appointment at 37, after a colleague finally said the quiet part loud and told her to just do it already. She did two IUI rounds, had a bad experience with her first IVF clinic and walked away, found Dr David Wilkinson at City Fertility, and on her third and final round — a frozen transfer she specifically advocated for against the default fresh option — fell pregnant with Aria. She was 39.
Aria is now seven. She goes to Girl Guides, swimming and karate. She spent time in Bali with the solo mum community and came home telling her teachers about her brothers and sisters. She has decided she can't find Renee a husband because all the good ones are already married. She recently concluded she'd like to learn how to be on her own first before finding a partner — and she's seven.
This is a conversation about what the long view really looks like. Not just the birth story and the newborn phase — though Renee shares those too, including a GP who missed her post-caesarean sepsis and a cow's milk protein intolerance that took months to diagnose — but what it means to raise a donor-conceived child who is starting to ask real questions, to build a village from scratch in a new city, and to feel, genuinely, that this life is fuller than anything you could have imagined before it.
In this episode:
The colleague who finally told her to just do it — and how one conversation changed everything
Two IUI rounds and her first IVF clinic — and the moment she realised she owed them nothing and left
Finding Dr David Wilkinson at City Fertility, a fresh perspective, and a one-step-at-a-time approach
Three IVF rounds at 39 — low numbers, a Bali holiday between rounds, and the frozen transfer she asked for over the default fresh
The butterfly effect moment: the embryo she asked to be frozen became Aria
Coming home after a caesarean — and the GP who dismissed her concerns, missed her sepsis, and tried to put her on antidepressants
Cow's milk protein intolerance: months of a screaming baby, a GP who listened, and 48 hours to a different child
Donating her remaining embryo to another solo mum via Facebook — and what that process involved
Aria at seven: the donor questions she's asking, what Renee tells her and what she doesn't, and why she won't build up a donor who may disappoint
The one and done decision — and the clear-eyed logic behind it
The solo mum community: nearly giving up after two bad playground meet-ups, a leap-of-faith camping trip to Phillip Island, and the village she now can't imagine living without
The daughters of solo mums — and why Renee thinks they're going to have a fundamentally different relationship with what they need from a partner
What she'd say to Aria, and what she'd say to anyone sitting on the fence
Key Takeaways
You owe your fertility clinic no loyalty if it's not the right fit — changing clinics can change everything
Advocate for yourself in IVF decisions — Renee asked for a frozen transfer over the default fresh, and that embryo became Aria
Trust your instincts about your baby's health. If a GP dismisses you, find another one and bring your list
Building your village takes time, a few wrong fits, and one leap of faith — but it is out there
The solo mum community doesn't just support the mums — it creates chosen family for the children too
When your child says they wish they had a dad, ask more questions — it's almost never about the dad
Raise your child to know they are enough on their own before they look for anyone else to complete them
You can donate a remaining embryo to another family — ask your clinic about your options
This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
Exploring fertility treatment as a solo mum in Australia? City Fertility offers an exclusive 20% discount for No Need for Prince Charming listeners. Claim your discount here.
Pregnant solo and looking for your village?
The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.
