Choosing a Birth Partner as a Solo Mum: What to Consider (and Why You Don’t Owe Anyone a Yes)
It can be overwhelming choosing whether or not to have a have a birth partner as a solo mum. And it’s just one of the many decisions you need to make before your baby arrives.
One of the questions that comes up surprisingly often for solo mums-to-be is: “Who will be with me when I give birth?”
Sometimes it’s asked with curiosity.
Sometimes with concern.
And sometimes with an assumption that you must have someone there.
But here’s the truth that doesn’t get said often enough:
You don’t need a partner to have a supported, empowering birth.
And you don’t owe anyone a role in one of the most intimate experiences of your life.
Choosing a birth partner as a solo mum isn’t about filling a gap.
It’s about deciding what will help you feel safe, calm, and supported.
First: You Don’t Have to Have a Birth Partner at All
Let’s start here, because it matters.
It is completely okay to give birth without a personal support person.
Many solo mums choose to labour on their own with their medical team. Some prefer the quiet. Some feel more grounded without managing someone else’s emotions. Some simply know they’ll feel more regulated doing it solo.
This is a valid, conscious choice.
If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable about that, that’s information — not instruction.
If You Do Want a Birth Partner, Here’s What to Consider
Rather than thinking who should I ask?, start with what do I need?
Here are five practical things to think through.
1. Emotional Safety Matters More Than Relationship Labels
Your birth partner doesn’t need to be:
family
a best friend
someone you feel obligated to include
They do need to be someone who:
stays calm under pressure
listens without taking over
respects your decisions
doesn’t need reassurance from you
If you can’t fully relax around them in vulnerable moments, they’re probably not the right person for this role.
2. You’re Allowed to Say No — Even to Well-Meaning Offers
When people find out you’re giving birth solo, they often want to help.
That can sound like:
“I’ll be there if you need me”
“You shouldn’t do this alone”
“I couldn’t let you go through that by yourself”
You’re allowed to say no.
You’re also allowed to say:
“I’ve got support organised”
“I’m still deciding what feels right”
“I’ll let you know if I need anything”
This is your birth — not a group project.
3. Practical Support Is Just as Important as Emotional Support
Birth can be long. Unpredictable. Exhausting.
A good birth partner can:
advocate for you when you’re tired
remember your preferences
stay present during long waits
support you after the birth if needed
Ask yourself: Would I trust this person to speak up for me if I couldn’t?
If the answer isn’t a clear yes, pause.
4. Professional Support Is a Valid (and Popular) Option
Many solo mums choose professional support instead of — or as well as — someone personal.
This might include:
a doula
a student midwife
a private midwife
Professional support can offer:
continuity
experience
advocacy
emotional steadiness
And importantly, no emotional baggage.
For some women, this feels far more supportive than asking someone close to them.
5. You Can Decide This Later
You don’t need to have this locked in early pregnancy.
Some women decide:
late in pregnancy
after their birth preferences become clearer
after seeing how they feel emotionally
You’re allowed to change your mind.
You’re allowed to reassess.
You’re allowed to choose what feels right at the time.
A Gentle Reminder
Your birth doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful, supported, or empowering.
Whether you:
birth solo
choose one trusted person
work with a professional support person
The right choice is the one that helps you feel safest in your body and your decisions.
Want Help Thinking This Through?
I’ve created a Birth Partner Guide to help you:
decide whether you want a birth partner
work out who might be right for that role
think through emotional and practical considerations
feel confident in your choice — whatever it is
👉 Download the Birth Partner Guide here
And if you want deeper support preparing for birth, boundaries, support planning and life once baby arrives, this is all covered in Preparing for Solo Motherhood — both in the group course and the on-demand version.