S5:E28 - Alex, A & Ollie
From the Very First Try to Six Months In
Some women come to this decision with a clear plan. Alex came with a deadline: if I'm still single at 30, I'm doing it on my own. She hit 30. She went to Bali to celebrate. She came home and got her AMH checked.
It was on the lower end of normal. That was enough.
What followed was three years, a recruited known donor in Victoria, two early miscarriages, a laparoscopy that found stage two endometriosis she never knew she had, multiple egg retrievals across a bulk bill IVF clinic in Queensland and then their full service program, unexplained implantation failure, a double embryo transfer that finally worked, and a pregnancy spent anxious and cautiously hopeful. All while working full time in a state manager role in child protection — and parenting a 16-year-old foster daughter who has lived with her for the past three years.
Ollie was born on the 23rd of January via planned caesarean — except the plan didn't go to plan. Nineteen attempts between the cannula and the spinal tap, a previous spinal surgery that made anaesthesia almost impossible, a general anaesthetic she didn't want, and a best friend waiting outside the theatre. He was out and detached from the anaesthetic in under four minutes. He had some trouble breathing, went briefly to special care, and eventually came up to Alex's room that night.
He is now six and a half months old. He has a cow's milk protein allergy requiring prescription formula. He has been to Canberra, Bali and Darwin and is heading to Europe next month. He sleeps through the night. He gets his morning cuddle from his big sister before he's even properly awake. And Alex calls him a unicorn.
This is a two-part episode — Part 1 covers the journey to 25 weeks pregnant, Part 2 picks up from birth to now.
In this episode:
Working in child protection and becoming respite carer to two children at 21
Her 16-year-old foster daughter who now lives with her full-time — and the younger one who comes every fortnight
Deciding at 30 to stop waiting — AMH results, initial fertility investigations, and the decision to try a recruited known donor first
Finding her donor on Facebook: the legal agreement, the counselling, the interstate coordination, and why doing it properly mattered
Getting pregnant on the first try — and an early miscarriage
Nearly 12 months of home insemination with two early losses, a referral to an early miscarriage specialist, insulin levels treated at a lower threshold, and metformin
Moving to a bulk bill IVF clinic in Queensland — out-of-town scans in Adelaide, flying up for retrievals and transfers, three bulk bill cycles
Stage two endometriosis found during a laparoscopy — no symptoms, no history, discovered during an egg retrieval
Moving to the full service program: 16 eggs, six or seven embryos, and still unexplained implantation failure
Genetic testing the embryos — half weren't chromosomally normal, three tested normal
A double embryo transfer (one tested, one C-grade untested) — one took. She'll never know which.
Early pregnancy with anxiety, a suspected ectopic, a bleed at 5 weeks, a night in hospital
A gender reveal, a boy, and a dad who is very excited about his first grandson
Ollie arriving at 38 weeks via general anaesthetic — 14 cannula attempts, 9 spinal tap attempts, and a best friend waiting outside
Ollie in special care, feeding journey, and the lactation consultant who gave Alex permission to formula feed
Cow's milk protein allergy, prescription formula, and why Alex now advises every pregnant woman to bring a tin to hospital just in case
Circadian rhythm sorted by two weeks, sleeping through the night by six weeks, napping properly from three months
Bali at four months — what worked, what didn't, and the five-dollar porter who changed everything
A 16-year-old who gets Ollie up every morning, takes the backseat in the car, and saves her wages to buy him presents
Keeping one-on-one time with the older one after Ollie arrived
Promoted during maternity leave, planning a second baby, and wondering whether Ollie the unicorn has been a false reference point for what's coming
Key Takeaways
If you're going to use a recruited known donor, do it properly: legal agreement, counselling for both parties, STI and genetic testing — these things filter out the people who aren't doing it for the right reasons
Unexplained implantation failure is one of the most frustrating IVF diagnoses — PGT-A testing of embryos can provide valuable information even when everything else looks normal
A general anaesthetic can delay milk supply and impact oxytocin — knowing this beforehand changes how you approach the early feeding days
Bring a tin of formula to hospital regardless of your feeding intentions — having it there removes one decision from a very full first night
Formula feeding is not failure — a rested, mentally well mum is the best thing for your baby
Circadian rhythm can be established very early with intentional day/night light exposure
A foster child can be an extraordinary addition to a newborn's life at the right age — the 16-year-old / newborn dynamic Alex describes is genuinely beautiful
You can foster and have a biological baby — the foster care agency had no issue with Alex's plan
Recruited known donor to IVF is a natural escalation — try what's available to you first, and escalate when you need to
This episode is brought to you by City Fertility
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