5 Things to Do Now If Solo Motherhood Is Even the Smallest Possibility
You don't have to have decided. You just have to not lose time while you're thinking.
Here is something nobody tells you about the considering stage.
You don’t have to be certain. You don’t have to have made the decision. You don’t even have to be leaning one way or the other.
But there are five things you can do right now — while you are still thinking, still sitting with it, still letting the idea settle — that mean if you do decide to pursue solo motherhood, you have not lost any time. You are not starting from scratch the day you decide. You are already in motion.
And if you decide not to pursue it, or if the timing is not right? You will still have a clearer picture of your health, your finances and your options than you had before. None of this is wasted.
Think of it as parallel preparation. Not a commitment. Just making sure the door stays open.
1. Understand your fertility — before you assume you have time.
This is the one most women put off. And it is the one that matters most.
Fertility declines with age — gradually, individually, and often silently. There are no symptoms. There is no warning. You can feel completely healthy and have significantly lower ovarian reserve than expected for your age. The only way to know your actual fertility picture is to get tested.
Start with an AMH test — Anti-Müllerian Hormone — which gives an indication of your ovarian reserve. This is a blood test your GP can order. It is not a guarantee in either direction, but it tells you whether you have the luxury of time to keep deliberating, or whether acting sooner rather than later is in your best interest.
Then book a consultation with a fertility specialist. Not to start treatment — just to understand your situation. A good specialist will look at your AMH alongside other markers, talk through your options, and give you a realistic picture of what your pathway might look like.
And please do not assume that because you are young, your fertility is fine. Age is one factor — but it is not the only one. Women in their 20s can have low ovarian reserve. Women in their early 30s can discover things that change their timeline significantly. We simply do not know our fertility situation until we look.
The worst outcome is deliberating for two years and then discovering you have left it too late. Getting tested now does not commit you to anything. It just means you are making your decision with real information.
If you’re looking for a fertility clinic to explore your unique fertility situation, Solo Mum Society members can receive a discount with City Fertility.
👉 Learn more about the City Fertility offer →
2. Get a full health audit — because the highest predictor of success is egg quality.
There are no guarantees in fertility treatment. But the single biggest predictor of success — more than the clinic, more than the specialist, more than the protocol — is egg quality. And egg quality is something you can actively influence, starting now.
Before you begin any fertility journey, get a full picture of your health. Not a general "I feel fine" — an actual audit. Ask your GP for:
Full blood count including iron levels
Vitamin D
Thyroid function
Folate and B12
Any immunity checks relevant to pregnancy (rubella, varicella)
Blood pressure and BMI if relevant
Low iron, low vitamin D, thyroid imbalances — all of these can affect egg quality and fertility outcomes, and all of them are addressable if you know about them early enough. The sooner you start optimising, the better your position when you do begin treatment.
This is also the time to look honestly at lifestyle factors. Smoking, alcohol, sleep, stress, diet, movement — not to be perfect, but to give yourself the best possible foundation. The months before treatment are when this work has the most impact.
You cannot control everything. But you can control this. And starting now — even if you are still deciding — means you are not scrambling to catch up later.
3. Start a budget and understand your financial position.
Fertility treatment is not cheap. But the financial reality of solo motherhood by choice is broader than just the cost of IVF — and understanding the full picture now, while you have time to prepare, puts you in a considerably stronger position.
Some things worth factoring in:
Treatment costs vary significantly depending on your pathway — IVF, IUI, and AI all have different price points. Even if you use a known or recruited donor and conceive at home, you will still need to budget for legal fees and counselling, which are not optional if you want the right protections in place.
Multiple cycles are a realistic possibility. It is worth budgeting for more than one before you begin, rather than being caught short mid-journey.
Maternity leave — what does your financial position look like if you take time off after the baby arrives? Government parental leave payments help, but the gap between those and your current income is worth planning for now.
Savings buffer — the more you can put aside now, the more options you have. A financial buffer reduces pressure during treatment and in the early months of motherhood.
Start with an honest look at your current income, expenses and savings. Identify where you have room to move. Small changes now — even modest ones — can make a meaningful difference by the time you start.
4. Review your health insurance and your employment contract.
These two things are worth looking at now — because both have waiting periods and timelines that matter, and finding out about them too late is frustrating and avoidable.
Health insurance: If you want a private obstetrician and a private birth — and many solo mums do, for the continuity of care and the comfort of a known face in the delivery room — you need gold cover with pregnancy and birth included. Waiting periods for pregnancy-related benefits can be up to 12 months. If you do not have the right cover now, upgrade it. The waiting period starts from the day you upgrade, not the day you decide to use it.
Employment contract: What are your parental leave entitlements? Do you need to have been in your role for a certain period to qualify? Is there flexibility around hours or working from home once you have a child? Is your current role one you can sustain as a solo mum, or is it worth thinking about whether a change might serve you better before you begin?
None of this requires you to make any announcements or commit to a timeline. It just requires you to know what you are working with — so you can make adjustments if needed while you still have time.
5. Learn what is actually involved — from people who are living it.
Do not rely on Google. Do not rely on AI. The internet will give you a version of this journey that is either too clinical, too terrifying, or just inaccurate, and none of these are particularly useful when you are trying to work out whether this is right for you.
Instead:
Talk to women who have done it. The Solo Mum Society Facebook group has thousands of women at every stage of this journey — women who have been exactly where you are right now, who have navigated the fertility clinics and the donor decisions and the first year with a baby, and who will answer your questions honestly and without judgement. It is free to join.
Listen to the podcast. No Need for Prince Charming has over 180 episodes of real stories from real solo mums. Filter by stage, by age, by circumstance. Find the women whose stories resonate with yours. Hearing someone else's experience is one of the most useful things you can do when you are still working out whether this path is for you.
Take the Considering Solo Motherhood course. This is the thing I wish had existed when I was at this stage. It covers everything — the decision-making process, the donor options, the financial reality, the emotional preparation, the practical steps. It is available online and as a live group course, and the next live intake starts in September.
👉 Find out more about the Considering Solo Motherhood course →
And when you do decide to move forward — The Bump is the membership community for women who are actively trying to conceive or in early pregnancy. It is there when you are ready for it.
You do not have to decide today.
But you also do not have to be passive while you are thinking.
These five steps cost you nothing except a little time and honesty. They will not make the decision for you. But they will mean that when you do decide — if you decide — you are not starting from zero. You are already prepared. Already informed. Already in motion.
And that matters more than most people realise.
Start with the free Solo Motherhood Clarity Guide — seven questions to help you work out where you actually stand right now.
👉 Download the free Clarity Guide →
Alisha Burns is the founder of Solo Mum Society and a solo mum by choice. Her daughter was conceived via donor conception and born in 2020. Solo Mum Society is Australia's leading community for women choosing solo motherhood by choice. This blog is for general informational purposes only. Fertility circumstances vary significantly between individuals. Please seek personalised advice from a fertility specialist and financial advisor for your specific situation.