How to Handle Father's Day as a Solo Mum by Choice
Practical, kind and empowering advice for the day that can feel bigger in your head than it is in real life.
Father's Day is coming. And if you're in any solo mum community right now, you'll have seen the questions starting to surface.
Should I go to the Father's Day event at daycare? What do I say to the teacher? How will my child feel? How will I feel? What if we're the only ones without a dad?
First: take a breath.
This is one of those occasions that tends to feel considerably bigger in your head than it turns out to be in real life. And most of the anxiety around it is worth examining — not because your feelings are wrong, but because understanding where they are coming from helps you handle the day with a lot more ease.
Here is a practical, honest guide to navigating Father's Day as a solo mum by choice.
Start with your child — if they are old enough, ask them.
This is tip number one, and it matters more than any other.
If your child is old enough to have a preference, ask them. Do they want you to come to the Father's Day event at school or daycare? Do they want to invite another special man in their life — a grandfather, an uncle, a family friend? Do they want to skip it altogether?
Give them the option. Offer to go, but make it clear it is their choice and that there is no wrong answer.
You might be surprised. Most children — particularly young ones — are simply happy to have a parent there who loves them. The gender of that parent is not what is on their mind. What is on their mind is whether someone who loves them shows up. And you will.
Do not project your own feelings about the day onto your child before you have asked them how they feel. Their experience of Father's Day may be entirely uncomplicated — and that is a good thing.
Talk to the educators if you need to — and do it kindly.
If you are feeling anxious about a Father's Day event at school or daycare, it is absolutely worth having a quiet conversation with your child's educator beforehand. Not to make demands or create a scene — just to let them know your family situation and flag that the framing of the event may not reflect the reality of every family in the room.
Many educators genuinely welcome this. They cannot be inclusive of what they do not know about.
It is also worth noting that schools and daycares are increasingly moving away from Father's Day and Mother's Day events in favour of "Special Person Day" or "Significant Adults Day" — which removes the assumption that every child has both a mother and a father available and willing to attend. My own daughter's daycare ran Special People Day, which meant there was never an expectation that a dad would be there. If your setting does not yet do this, raising it gently is a legitimate and constructive thing to do.
You might even consider donating a copy of My Perfect Family to your child's classroom or daycare library around this time of year. It is a natural, non-confrontational way to introduce diverse family structures — not just yours, but all of them — without making it about your family specifically. It gives educators a tool to open the conversation with the whole group, and it means your child sees their family reflected without having to stand out.
Look honestly at what is actually worrying you.
This is the question worth sitting with before the day arrives: what is actually blocking you?
Is it the logistics — the event format, not knowing what to expect, the practical question of who goes? Those things are solvable.
Or is it something deeper — a part of you that is still working through the fact that your child does not have a father in their life, and that on a day when the culture celebrates fatherhood, you feel the absence of that more acutely?
That is worth naming. Not judging — naming. Because if you are dreading Father's Day not because of what will actually happen, but because of how you feel about your family, that is important information. It might mean there is still some work to do around fully seeing your family as whole and valid — not lacking something, but built differently.
And if that resonates, please be gentle with yourself about it. These feelings are completely understandable. We have all been conditioned by a culture that presents the two-parent family as the default, and the voices telling us that our families are different can be loud. But different does not mean less. And a day invented by a greeting card company to sell cards does not get to determine whether your family is complete.
It is.
What will actually happen if you go.
Here is the honest reality of most Father's Day events, based on the experiences of the thousands of solo mums in this community.
The dads are not judging you. They are busy managing their own children, making small talk with other parents, and trying to remember where they put their coffee. They are not looking around the room tallying up which families have a dad present.
The other families are not judging you either. Most people are far too absorbed in their own experience to be scrutinising yours.
And here is something you may not have considered: at Father's Day events, dads often do not make it. Work commitments, travel, family situations of all kinds mean that many children at these events are also there with a mum, a grandparent, an auntie, or another person who loves them. You are very unlikely to be the only non-traditional family in the room. You may just be the most visible one to yourself.
If you turn up, you are showing your child that their family shows up. That is what they will remember.
Reframe what the day actually is.
Father's Day was created by the greeting card industry. That is genuinely, historically true. It exists to sell cards and gifts, not because it is a sacred institution.
Which means the pressure you are putting on it is, at least in part, borrowed pressure. Pressure from a cultural narrative that was not designed with your family in mind.
What if you chose to see it differently?
Father's Day is a celebration of the families that exist — including yours. Your child is here because someone made a generous, considered, altruistic decision to help you become a mother. That is worth celebrating. Not mourning. Not avoiding. Celebrating.
You do not have to make a big deal of it. But you also do not have to dread it.
A practical checklist for the weeks ahead.
If Father's Day events are coming up at your child's school, daycare or activity, here is a simple checklist:
Ask your child what they would like to do — and follow their lead.
If you are going, go. Remember you belong there as much as anyone else.
If you want to, have a brief conversation with the educator beforehand — let them know your situation, and perhaps suggest more inclusive language for future events.
Consider gifting a diverse family book to the classroom. My Perfect Family is a good one — it celebrates all family structures without making any one of them the focus.
Remind yourself: the anxiety is usually bigger than the event. Most of the time, it is fine. More than fine.
And if you find yourself with feelings that go deeper than logistics — about your family, your child, what they have and what they do not — be kind to yourself about that. It is allowed to be complicated sometimes. And there is a whole community of women who understand exactly what that feels like.
You are not doing this wrong.
There is no perfect way to navigate Father's Day as a solo mum by choice. There is just the way that feels right for your child and your family in this particular year — which may be different from last year and different again next year.
Your child has a parent who loves them and shows up for them. On Father's Day and every other day.
That is not a lack. That is a family.
My Perfect Family — Alisha's children's book celebrating all the ways families are made — is available in hardcover, softcover and multiple languages. A beautiful addition to any classroom or home library.
Looking for a community of solo mums who truly understand the days that feel complicated? The SMS Membership is launching very soon — a space built specifically for established solo mums who want real connection, support and community.
👉 Join the SMS Membership waitlist →
Alisha Burns is the founder of Solo Mum Society and a solo mum by choice. Her daughter was conceived via donor conception and born in 2020. Solo Mum Society is Australia's leading community for women choosing solo motherhood by choice. This blog reflects her personal views and is for general information only. Fertility circumstances vary significantly between individuals. Please seek personalised advice from a fertility specialist for your specific situation.