How Young Is Too Young to Become a Solo Mum by Choice?
Younger than society thinks. Here is what actually matters.
Something is shifting.
More women in their 20s and early 30s are choosing to become solo mums by choice — not because they could not find a partner, not because a relationship ended, but because they looked at their life, knew what they wanted, and decided not to wait.
And the responses they are getting from the people around them? Often some version of: you are too young, you should wait, what if you meet someone?
This blog is not here to tell you what to do or when to do it. It is here to give you the honest, balanced picture that lets you make your own decision — at whatever age you are reading this. And to be very clear about one thing: if you know what you want, other people's conditioning and limited perspectives do not get a vote.
The arbitrary age of 35
Most women who are considering solo motherhood have a number in their head. Often it is 35. As in: if I have not met someone by 35, then I will think about doing this on my own.
Where does that number come from? Largely from societal conditioning — the idea that you should exhaust every other option first, that solo motherhood is something you arrive at rather than something you choose.
Here is what that framing misses.
Fertility does not wait until 35 to start declining. It begins declining gradually in your late 20s and early 30s — individually, not according to a calendar. If you are 32 with the age of 35 in your head, that three-year window is not as neutral as it might feel. Knowing your own fertility picture now — rather than in three years — puts you in a position to make decisions based on reality rather than an arbitrary milestone.
This is not about creating fear. It is about making sure the number in your head is based on something real, not just on what society decided was an acceptable timeline.
Who chooses solo motherhood — and why
Solo motherhood by choice is chosen for many different reasons, by many different women.
Some are heterosexual women who have not found the right partner and do not want to wait any longer. Some are queer women for whom the path to parenthood was always going to look different from a traditional two-parent model, regardless of their relationship status. Some have always known — at 16, at 25, at 28 — that they did not want to parent with a partner, and that solo motherhood was always going to be their first choice.
There is no single story here. What is shared across all of them is intention — the decision to build a family deliberately, on their own terms.
Solo Mum Society exists for all of these women. Whatever brought you here, you belong in this conversation.
What age actually affects — and what it does not
There is no universally right age to become a solo mum by choice. What matters is that you are making the decision from a place of genuine clarity — not from pressure in either direction.
With that framing, here is an honest look at what age actually does and does not affect.
If you are considering this in your 20s or early 30s:
Things that may work in your favour:
Your fertility is generally at its strongest, and if you want more than one child, starting earlier gives you more time and more options. Your friends may be at the same life stage — having children at a similar time means your natural village is already around you rather than a decade ahead of you. Some women also find that the confidence of not yet knowing what can go wrong is genuinely useful in early motherhood — less overthinking, more instinct, more trust in your own abilities before comparison and self-doubt have had years to build up.
Things worth thinking through honestly:
You may be earlier in your career, which can mean a lower financial buffer for fertility treatment — which has a real cost. Your wider support network may be less settled — friends in their 20s are often still moving, travelling, changing directions. The village around you now may look different in a few years. Neither of these is a reason not to pursue this. They are things to go in with your eyes open about.
If you are considering this in your 30s or 40s:
Things that may work in your favour:
You may be more financially established, which can make the cost of treatment and the reduced income of early motherhood easier to absorb. Greater life experience often brings stronger resilience, clearer boundaries, and a more settled sense of self. Many women also find they care considerably less what other people think as they get older — which makes navigating the opinions of others much easier than it might have been ten years ago.
And if you are in your 40s reading this: it is not too late. Women become solo mums in their 40s every day in this community. The journey may look different — it may require more planning, more patience with treatment, more conversations with your specialist — but it is absolutely possible, and it is happening all the time.
Things worth thinking through honestly:
Fertility does decline with age — gradually and individually, but it is real. The conversations with your fertility specialist will look different at 42 than at 28, and it is worth having them sooner rather than later so you are making decisions with a clear picture of your own situation. If you want more than one child, timing is worth factoring into your planning earlier rather than later.
What age does not determine:
Whether you will be a good mother. Whether you will cope. Whether your child will thrive. Whether the right people will show up for you.
And choosing to become a solo mum does not automatically close the door on a future relationship if you want one. The right partner will not see your child as a complication. They will think you are extraordinary for doing this on your own. If they do not — they are not the right person. Your family and a future relationship have never been mutually exclusive.
Some women have always known.
Not every woman considering this in her 20s is doing so because she has not found the right person yet. Some women have always known they did not want to parent with a partner. They have thought about it carefully, sat with it honestly, and arrived at a clear and considered answer.
That is a valid, first choice. Not a last resort. Not a consolation. A deliberate decision made from a place of self-knowledge.
When someone tells a woman in that position that she should wait for a partner, or that she is too young, or that she still has time, what they are really communicating — however gently — is that they only know one way to make a family. They cannot empathise with a choice they could never have made for themselves. That is about their frame of reference. Not your readiness.
How to respond when people say you are too young
You do not owe anyone a lengthy justification of your decision. But having a few calm, confident lines ready can make these conversations considerably easier — particularly when they come from people whose opinion matters to you.
Some options:
"I have thought about this very carefully and I feel clear about what I want."
"I understand it might seem unexpected, but this is something I know is right for me."
"I appreciate your concern. I have done a lot of research and I am going into this with my eyes open."
You do not need to convince anyone. You do not need their approval. What you need is to feel steady enough in your own decision that their reaction does not destabilise you — and that steadiness comes from clarity, not from winning the argument.
Most solo mums say the same thing.
Not that they regret their journey. But that if they had known earlier that this was a real and valid option — that they did not have to do things in a certain order — they would not have waited as long as they did.
Societal conditioning convinced them they needed to find a partner first. That they needed to reach a certain age. That there was a right way to do this, and solo motherhood was what you did when the right way had not worked out.
Most of them know now that none of that was true.
If you want to hear directly from women who became solo mums in their 20s and early 30s — the No Need for Prince Charming podcast has over 180 episodes of real stories from women at every stage of this journey. You can filter episodes by the age at which guests became mothers to find the voices that are most relevant to where you are right now.
If you are seriously considering this — here is what to work through:
Your financial picture. Not whether you are wealthy — but whether you can realistically support yourself and a child. Fertility treatment has a real cost. What does your budget actually look like with a baby in it? Be honest rather than aspirational.
Your support network. Who is around you right now? Who would genuinely show up? Map this out honestly — not because you need a perfect village before you begin, but because knowing where the gaps are means you can start filling them intentionally.
Your fertility picture. Younger does not automatically mean fertile. A baseline AMH test through your GP gives you a picture of your own ovarian reserve — your actual situation, not a general statistic. Knowing this early is always better than finding out under time pressure, at any age.
Your clarity. Is this coming from a genuine, settled place? Or from a reaction to something — external pressure, a fear of running out of time, something ending? Both can lead to the same decision. The questions below are worth sitting with before you take any next steps.
You do not need permission.
Whether you are 24 and certain, 32 and starting to take this seriously, or 43 and wondering if it is too late — this path is available to you. At your own age. In your own time. On your own terms.
The Solo Motherhood Clarity Guide is seven questions to help you work out where you actually stand. It is free and it is a good place to start.
👉 Download the free Clarity Guide →
Ready to go deeper? The Considering Solo Motherhood course covers everything — the decision, the donor options, the practical and emotional preparation, and everything in between. Available online and as a live group course.
👉 Find out more about the Considering Solo Motherhood course →
Alisha Burns is the founder of Solo Mum Society and a solo mum by choice. Her daughter was conceived via donor conception and born in 2020. Solo Mum Society is Australia's leading community for women choosing solo motherhood by choice. This blog reflects her personal views and is for general information only. Fertility circumstances vary significantly between individuals. Please seek personalised advice from a fertility specialist for your specific situation.